


at 29

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Birthday, M/M, Minnesota Wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 10:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Last year Zach was twenty-eight, and next year he will be thirty, and this year he will be fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	at 29

**One year and a day ago:** Zach turned twenty-eight on the 28th of July.

It was his golden birthday, but no one remembered that until they were already at dinner, and by then it didn’t make sense to do anything special. He went out for steaks with his parents and Jordan. They talked about the Twins and the weather but not much else. After their dinner plates were cleared the waitstaff returned with a piece of cake with a candle in the middle.

Zach’s had birthday dinners with his family before. His mother always arranges for this to happen. Any element of surprise was long gone. 

She led an off-key but well-intentioned round of happy birthday.

Zach’s a grown man; he shouldn't get this embarrassed by his family's attempt to sing in a public space.

He left them at the restaurant and drove home alone. He fell asleep alone, envisioning all of the ways his life would be different this year.

**This year:** He's turning twenty-nine tomorrow. Twenty-nine is almost thirty, and thirty is almost thirty-five, and thirty-five is almost retired, and retired is the end of the world as he knows it.

He isn't going to have dinner with his parents and Jordan until next week. They've spent all summer in Wisconsin, and he doesn't feel like spending any part of his birthday weekend making the drive to the cities. Donna said she understands, said that she can wait a week to celebrate the birth of her youngest child. He could hear the lie in her voice, but it wasn’t enough to make him change his plans.

He wants to be at home with Ryan doing basically nothing. Not absolutely nothing, but very little. Minimal training. They’ll grill something for dinner. More sex than most days. He really doesn't want to make a big deal about it.

Next year he's turning thirty and won't be able to avoid a party. He wouldn't be surprised if his mother has already started to make plans. She likes to celebrate her sons. He's sure it will be a good party; having friends and family around to distract himself from his descent into decrepitude doesn't sound so horrible. But this year he wants something quiet. This year he wants something small.

He's isn't trying to ignore the fact that he's aging, he just doesn't want to make it into a big deal.

Next year he is going to turn thirty. He has three hundred and sixty-five days between him and three-oh. He wants to make the best of them.

There are a lot of things he’d like to do before he turns thirty. He’d like to win another Olympic Medal. Preferably gold this time. Gold would be better. He’d take silver again, though honestly, bronze might hurt less.

He hopes the Wild make the playoffs again, and that this time they make it out of the first round. He’d like to win a cup, of course, that’s always the dream, but he also knows it’s healthy to have realistic goals.

On that note, he’d like to score a lot of goals. That’s always fun. Not just goals himself. Before he turns thirty he would like to see the Wild as a team score a lot of goals, or at least significantly more than last year. He would also like for the other team to not score as many goals more often than not. He wants them to win. He wants Ryan to be successful and happy. These things are all tied together.

A big thing he would like to keep in mind as he gets older is that hockey success is not the only source of happiness.

In the year before he turns thirty, Zach would like to focus on the good things away from the ice, like family, and Ryan, and...

Whatever the right thing to say is. He knows he’s missing some part of the cliché. He’s normally so good with clichés. He’s knows what he’s really doing here.

He’s trying to re-prioritize, to focus on family. Family will be around after hockey, but right now the most important piece of his family, the partner he chose to build a life with, is Ryan, who is on the ice with him, right there in the thick of it.

He says he wants to focus on family, not hockey, but his family is hockey. Ryan and his father and Jordan and Ryan’s family and everyone that matters to him, they’re all hockey. His mom is still a hockey mom, even if she doesn’t have a minivan or drive him to practice anymore. 

That’s something Zach has to look forward to on the other side of thirty: owning a minivan and driving his kids to practice. They’ve only just started talking about this in a real way, and it’s exciting. Ryan will be such a good dad. Zach thinks he’ll be alright too. 

On the other side of thirty they’ll have children with a hyphenated last name. When he gets overwhelmed by the bad parts of getting old, he thinks about getting to teach their children how to skate and it doesn’t seem so dire.

J.P. was retired by the time Zach and Jordan where born. Zach has always thought of his father as a hockey player. That he wasn’t playing when Zach was a kid didn’t change that.

This is something they’re still discussing, whether they’re prepared to wait for kids until after retirement. In a lot of ways it makes more sense. There isn’t anyone who could stay home, they’re both gone too much. But that means waiting another twelve years, which is an awfully long time. Zach will be forty when his current contract ends. His own father was older than that when he started to have kids, so he knows what having an older father is like.

It was fine. He appreciates that his father was there a lot, around to answer questions, even his coach at Shattucks. There are definite upsides to waiting until retirement.

But Zach isn’t sure he wants to wait that long. Even if the logistics aren’t great now he’s reached an age where he feels ready for kids. Mikko’s girlfriend is due in October. Jason has kids. Even Jared has a kid. Zach hears other people talking about their children and he wants to have something to say.

He will, eventually. Maybe soon, maybe not. They aren’t going to talk about it until they’re both on the other side of thirty. The last time Zach brought it up that was what they agreed on.

He’s living in a contradiction — he’s afraid of turning thirty, but looking forward to what comes next. He needs to live in the present. He can’t get ahead of himself. They’re in the prime of their careers, the team is trending up, and he gets Ryan all to himself.

They have responsibilities, sure, but there aren’t small humans who depend on them — not yet. It’s just them in the house so they don’t have to be quiet, or not cuss, or wear pants, not if they don’t feel like it. 

It took Zach almost twenty-eight years to reach this point of his life, and he loves it. Twenty-eight was a good year. Twenty-nine looks like it should be good too. He’s going to get to thirty eventually—in three hundred and sixty-six days, to be precise. He doesn’t have to rush towards the future. Now is more than alright.

He’s going to enjoy the time at home tomorrow, and he’ll enjoy next year’s inevitable party, and he’ll enjoy fatherhood, whenever they get there. He just has to remember to enjoy the moments along the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Jason is Pominville, not Zucker, which should be obvious because context, but it isn’t entirely clear which caused me stress. Also, we should all always refer to Jason Pominville as Pomerdoodle, because that is the best thing ever.
> 
> Betaed by Stellarer, who is just great. Really, like, unbelievably so. She makes everything better. Seriously.


End file.
